“God has a sense of humor, Kathleen!” my co-worker Ann once said. Ann is (I’m assuming here – we’ve lost touch) a loving Christian. She’s also a stealth Christian – no one knows until she reveals it. Many think she’s just this quirky lady in accounts receivable – nice and fun, but quirky. But work with her, especially through adversity (any installation of Oracle Financials counts), and you learn quickly that Ann believes in the power of prayer. And God’s sense of humor. And fantastically airbrushed nails.
It is times like these with my stupid tooth that I remind myself that God has a sense of humor. Which always reminds me of Ann, but that’s besides the point. The point is that in times like this, with a recovering sick child, a husband leaving on a business trip, a car that desperately needs an oil change and an ailing tooth, I need to remind myself that God has a sense of humor.
Now if I could only figure it out.
That’s the struggle I’m having now. I get there’s a joke in there somewhere. I just can’t figure it out. I’m pretty clear that some of it, if not all of it, is a huge plot for SILENCE and STILLNESS. My life has gotten too busy. I realize this and have started to say no to things – at least I am not making it worse. However, my body is choosing to revolt against me and force some silence and stillness. If I can’t move, then I must force myself to be silent and still. More than once this weekend (I stayed home sick on Friday) I was so worn that I count not even do any hand binding while watching TV. I just sat and watched The Closer a lot.
Meanwhile, December 10 cannot come quick enough. That evening is when my last final is due. It’s a take home case that we will have like 2 weeks to work on. I’m doing downright horrible in this class – I just don’t get it. This is not helping my mood. My other class makes sense, but we are on a project for which I am not in control, which is fine, but the person in control has lost control. (Ann reference – she’d pull her hair back into a ponytail at this point. If we all had our hair back in ponytails, programmers ran for cover. We meant business.) I cannot plan for this tooth procedure until I can determine when all of my class deliverables are. Once I can determine when everything is due and what I need to do to make them due, I can then think about silence and stillness.
I need to be silent and still. I need it badly. I also need money for my tooth.
So right now I pray. I pray for silence and stillness around me. I pray for wisdom. I pray for plans to be revealed. I pray.