Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Analysis Paralysis

OMG I am nearly the worst blogger out there. Sorry.

I’m suffering from a few mental blocks, which are coming from various sources.

One was a cutdown someone made to me at work. It was so biting, I actually stopped mid-sentence. But it gave me pause to see why he made the comment so I am working on my professional persona (my brand, if you will) right now. That was really hard to process and really knocked me down. On a related note, another cutdown from someone in Girl Scouts wounded me so deep (the words personal attack apply for this one), I took basically a whole year off of Girl Scouts to rediscover my niche. I have found the niche and am working toward actively volunteering again. So yeah, some big hits to the psyche in the past 12 months…

Another mental block is the block of too much. I have too many UFOs out in my workspace. I need to go to my workspace and clean it out and leave 1, count ‘em, 1 UFO out there to finish. If I could finish a few things, I would feel better. If my workspace was clean, I’d feel better.

Which leads to a bigger issue, which is my inspection of my house post-degree and post-recovery from the degree. My house is a disaster. Not a DCFS disaster, but you know, a disaster. My eyes have been opened to the dust that collects on all of the white wood trim in our whole house (it came that way – I don’t believe in painting wood). Opened to the front powder room’s ruined walls from little kid fingerprints and misfires of the soap dispenser. Opened to many, many annoying things. All of which can be fixed and all of which I can fix and all of which is so overwhelming I can’t do anything.

And then there are deadlines. I have a swap that has gone terribly wrong and it is not a one night fix to right the ship. I had a present for my dad that needed to be completed by his birthday, and no, I cannot rest assured that his birthday will be here next year; he has outlived his own father and every day is a gift. So yeah, I dropped everything to finish my dad’s afghan. I love crochet, by the way.

My mini-garden also need some love, but the heat index has been like 115, so I will cut myself some slack on this one.

So where am I? I’ll repeat a line from above: All of which can be fixed and all of which I can fix and all of which is so overwhelming I can’t do anything. I have analysis paralysis. I know I do.

So I need to snap out of it.

But first I have unexpected houseguests coming tomorrow. I really don’t mind; I do not spend enough time with these folks, and so it is well worth it. She is not a judgmental person when it comes to housecleaning and so that helps. But I am doing some housecleaning because I can and I will feel better if I do. But again, it doesn’t get me any closer to quilting. Wednesday, the guests are here and Thursday I have promised a long-overdue date with my DD at the mall. She has ever so patiently waited, and really, I just need to go and enjoy her.

And then this Friday I will collapse. Because I have been on the road for 7 weekends straight. Seriously. I have considered it a victory that I have not dipped into savings for these 7 weeks. Now I haven’t necessarily added to savings either, but I have made do, and that was the point. But yeah, a messy house in need of deep cleaning, deadlines, travel, mental health repair, crafts – I’m tired. And I am not waking up to an alarm clock on Saturday. I’m going back to bed after my body gets me up and resting more. I just do not care.

And then I will tackle things, one bite at a time.

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